No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
