I cannot find my penis.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just want nice things and good sex
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
