Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
