Just cropdusted the office
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
