peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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