Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
