Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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