if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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