So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
