your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize