yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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