The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
