Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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