I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
