could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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