dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
