Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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