my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My vagina is officially offended.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize