perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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