Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize