if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
