Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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