I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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