explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
