When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
