When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
