Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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