She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
