I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
