First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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