I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
