you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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