She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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