3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
