Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
