He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
