I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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