Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
