Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
