Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize