you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
