So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if only i could text you this smell
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
