I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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