Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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