they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
