Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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