I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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