your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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