first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
