I accidentally had phone sex last night
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
