this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
