Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
