I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
