I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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