your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
