If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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