She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There r osticjed everywhere
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
