The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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