i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
