Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
