I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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