did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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