she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
