We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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